We’ll miss you, but I know you’re having a much better time of it than us right now. I look forward to making music with you again someday <3
So…. my favorite band is no more, as you may have noted. I know Zach and Josh have their reasons for leaving Paramore, but that doesn’t change the fact that I will never get to see them in concert now. They have no idea how much their music helped me grow both as a musician and as a person. God used their gifts to bring me encouragement and I’m very thankful for it. I’m feeling a little bit better now that the initial shock has worn off. Still, its not easy to think that the Paramore that was is over. I have no idea where the band will go next, but Hayley isn’t giving up, so I’ll stay behind her, Taylor and Jeremy.
My Uncle Ronnie passed away this week, but despite the sadness I feel, I am incredibly strengthened by the love God showed while my family was struggling in the hospital.
I was laying in bed Wednesday night trying hard to fall asleep, but for some reason I couldn’t manage it. Something within me told me that I needed to stay awake a little longer. My cousin, whom I am housemates with, began running to and fro about the house before she raced out the door and took off quickly in a car. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew something was wrong. I quickly began praying for Courtney and whatever the situation was. Before I got any further in my prayer, a voice spoke in my mind over and over, “Uncle Ronnie had a heart attack; Uncle Ronnie had a heart attack.” At first, I pushed the thought from my mind thinking that it couldn’t be true, and I was just being paranoid. A moment later, my cousin called and told me that her father had just had a heart attack. I became silent at her words as I realized that I had just heard the voice of God alerting me to the situation.
When I got to the hospital the next day, I was overcome with grief and tears as I saw and felt the pain of my family. There were at least twenty of us all gathered at the hospital 24/7 . My uncle had surgery to clear the blockage, but it wouldn’t clear. He had open heart surgery following this. We live in a small town, and our hospital doesn’t have a heart doctor so four different doctors rotate from Birmingham each week. It turns out that the doctor that just happened to be at the hospital this week was the only one of the four who could perform the surgery my uncle needed, which was an immense God thing. The doctor was also a God fearing man who prayed with us and cried with us as he tried his best to save our uncle. Had he not been the doctor we had, none of us would have been able to say goodbye.
After a few days, the doctor told us things weren’t looking good. I began begging and praying for God to give us hope. All along the way, He’d been giving us tiny miracles; we needed another. God gave us that hope to remind us he was listening. The doctor said if we transported my uncle to Birmingham with him, he would have a better chance. The bad thing was that the temperature was 105 that day, and the temperature could effect my uncle poorly. My grandma and I prayed for cloud cover even though it was supposed to be hot and sunny all day. We need rain to bring the temperature down, and let me tell you; when we got outside, not only was there cloud cover, there was mountains of it. Huge thunderheads covered the skies over the hospital. Once you got a mile away from the hospital, they were gone and it was sunny. The clouds followed him to the airport and all the way to Birmingham where it rained to bring down the temperature. God was reminding us that He is listening and He is there.
Looking back now, I realize that it was best for my uncle to go home with Jesus. He didn’t want to suffer years of illness like my grandfather did, so this was God’s mercy not allowing him to go through that. We will miss him terribly, but it’s not goodbye. From this experience, I can assuredly say to you folks on tumblr that God is real, He is listening to us and watching over us every day, and without Him and the love of Jesus Christ the world is lost.
I know this isn’t anything about hollywood but I’m posting it for Caylee. I’m disgusted at what happened today and I’m sad for this little girl. She’s dead, and no one’s paying for it. Casey should have. Instead of continuing to be pissed off. I want to say that I hope this little girl is in a better place. I feel like I knew her. RIP you gorgeous, little angel. ♥